Portland OR -- In a move that could send shockwaves through the Democrat base, professional protestors recently started agitating for unionization.
"They've been paying us for years to protest, march, scream, sing, and hold signs for them, but they have completely ignored our repeated demands for improved working conditions" says pro-union organizer Shana Coombiya at a 'Professional Protestors Unite' event this week.
When asked what demands they have, she quickly responded that there are three. "First, better pay. If I'm going to get sent to some townhall somewhere to protest - as I've been doing for two months now, by the way, I expect a living wage and that must include cost of living increases every year. I've had this job since 2016 and I'm still getting the same pay, even though inflation has gotten really bad the last couple years for some reason."
She continued, "Second, less travel. We get moved around a lot to make it look like it's different people - more 'grass-rootsy,' you know? Fine. But that means we get sent all over the country at the drop of a hat and we're sick of it. Our Union would work with Mr. Soros' and the foreign government NGOs or shell companies to make sure we got some downtime now and then. Maybe a certain percentage of local protests - like the Starbucks near my house. We're open to negotiation on this one."
"We also want to get hazard pay. I don't just mean getting bailed out if we're arrested. I mean physical danger. You think I'm joking? Just a couple weeks ago, one of our number accidentally set himself on fire protesting Tesla with Molotov cocktails. Yesterday, a couple peaceful protestors got tasered at a town hall. Those things all happened while they were on the clock."
She concluded, "In the end I don't think any of this is unreasonable. If management doesn't come to the table, though, we are prepared to launch protests. We have a lot of experience."
Statistics: Posted by Panem Et Circenses — 4/16/2025, 1:34 pm — Replies 0 — Views 121